The Interrupted Artist: An Interrupted Beginning
Art as a career is filled with uncertainty and risks. Pouring your soul in the way of colors, sounds, words and more, while making a living out of it is the sort of dream many artists aspire. Unfortunately, many (or most) artists face terrible odds that make this dream unlikely, if not impossible. The threat of starvation and homelessness, among others, make it so that they repress or abandon their dreams in order to survive. Not only that, but there are active forces that operate against our will to become artists, even to the point of discouraging and pushing back against our development. As one of those artists who was constantly discouraged by family and friends to pursue the arts, it took me a while to finally come to terms with the fact that I was, indeed, an artist.
Creating is something that I cannot help but do. It has always been in me, and it seems like it will stay for the long haul. I believe that all artists can, and should, stay true to their craft, not only in spite of their circumstances, but also because of them. In this article, I will put my two cents (and some personal anecdotes) for the purpose of giving you some insight. Hopefully, this will inspire you, and if it doesn’t, at the very least you’ve found a fellow artisan who suffers just as much as you do.
Artist hand dipping brush on brown paint
Life sucks for many of us. Having 2 or 3 jobs, house chores, taking care of family and more can sure weight on anyone. For a lot of us (in the uncivilized nation) the jobs don’t even guarantee health services or housing. But we still do this because, you know, starvation and stuff. As necessary as these things are to meet our vital needs (or some of them), the reality is that they tend to get in the way of our goals. We only have so much time and energy throughout the day, and most of it is spent working for others. The leftovers are there for us to rest or work on our goals. Usually, we can’t really do either properly. We’re either too exhausted to work on our craft, or too frustrated to rest well.
I know most of you have been in this scenario: You come from work/school, deal with chores and family, and then stand in the middle of two choices. You can either rest and salvage what little autonomy you have in this short life, or you can work on your dreams to die without regrets. And when you choose either one, it’s never the right choice. Let’s say you choose to rest, either lie on the bed to sleep early, watch tv or just read. As you do that, your mind is punishing you, telling you that instead of being lazy, you should get up and work on your dreams. These thoughts are only amplified when scrolling on social media, where a teen or a kid are making a living out of Youtube videos or by making art. On the other hand, if you choose to work on your dreams, you’re not on your best condition. You’re tired, chances are that you feel like you’re not making any progress, and to top it off, you have less hours to sleep. It also doesn’t help when art teachers recommend studying for a minimum set of hours to get “good”. Many of us don’t even have 30 minutes a day, unless we sacrifice sleep, which is definitely a no-no. This scenario is problematic, since it pushes away an aspect of your life that should take priority. Dedicating your life only to survival will only work in detriment to your health, physical and mental. Self-esteem goes down and you feel like something is missing from your life.
Now, this is just the tip of the iceberg. I didn’t even take into account those who live in an environment where art is forbidden, and who are forced to do something that goes against your wishes. Personal story: When I was younger, I aspired to be a musician and writer. However, being under the authority of someone else, I was told that I would starve countless times, and the seeds of doubt and fear took deep root in my impressionable mind. Instead of following my passion, I got certified as a computer technician, worked as an assistant to a mechanic, and ended up with a degree in linguistics. All of this I did because I was afraid of starving. For more than a decade I worked in all manner of places: library, pool (as a lifeguard), airport, school and more. During that time, I hated myself, my life, and pretty much everything in general. I woke up every day thinking about the lucky people who had supportive parents or contacts, and who didn’t have to sacrifice their dreams because A) their dream jobs were already marketable or B) they came from not-so-poor families. It also didn’t help that I was born and raised in a country that doesn’t support the arts unless they’re profitable or are already established in a foreign country. Don’t take me wrong way, I did enjoy some of my jobs and coworkers, but I was miserable, and to make it worse, I wasn’t one to express my discontent. Why? Because as a man, my job was to shut up and take it.
Why am I telling you this? What am I getting at? Well, the answer is simple in words, but complex in its exploration. Keyword: Experience.
Everything that I went through in life, in its own way, helped. During college, maybe before, I rebelled against the people that put me at odds against art. I started writing a story, a book. Not only that, but I went out of my way to play with my band (formed with high school friends) and made sure to ALWAYS be busy with art stuff when not studying. I was still in a place of hate, but I used that energy to boost my thirst for creating artworks. I don’t mean to say that you should harness negativity as fuel, not necessarily. But that very thing that brings you down, or pushes you back, use it! In my case, I feel constantly angry at the world and its people, and all missed opportunities. This feeling motivates me to create more, and the more I do, the more I want to do. There is something that us interrupted artists have that lucky artists do not: A world against us.
Think about it. There are people who had the right support, or timing, to achieve great things. I have met some of these people (a few are actually good acquaintances of mine), and I’ve been there to see how they crumble or flake when a minor inconvenience steps in. Of course, with time and experience, some of them might develop a thick hide, but interrupted artists have this already covered (they merely adopted the dark, we were born in it!). This may be controversial, but in my eyes, it’s really not that impressive to be #1 when you had head start. Of course, I respect discipline and dedication wherever it is, but an achievement to me goes deeper than the achievement itself. The process is just as important. You know what? I’ll say it. To me, DaVinci isn’t as impressive as Eminem. That is to say, I acknowledge and appreciate artworks from the masters as well as the current art movement, but the how of the start of their artistic career is very important to me.
Having the odds against you, including the feeling that you’re “too old” to start, may actually be a blessing in disguise. These experiences, or lack of opportunities, can be used in your favor. Even your most hated job can serve as a resource for your art. I’ll use a simple, personal example. I hated excel (or Google Sheets) with a passion. It was boring and complicated, but I had to use it for some of my jobs. Today, that’s the precise tool I use to manage (and price) my art prints inventory, to manage the database for my book series and some other stuff. Working with customers also allowed me to do active research on writing characters and scenarios for my books. The list can go on.
More importantly, my experience allowed me to look inward. My story serves as a foundation for the stories that I want to tell and for the illustrations that I want to show. Use yourself as the core of your art, and your artistic voice will be honest, which is exceedingly important for any artist. Being an artist is hard, but you owe it to yourself to make it happen. You may not realize all your dreams, that seldom happens, but fighting for your dreams is a better story for you to remember on your deathbed. So let’s make it happen!
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